More African asylum seekers are arriving in Maine. The comments section of articles covering this news have as much foul filth from frustrating fuckers as you might imagine. Since this is the holiday season and we’re all bound to be frustrated by some of them, in person, real soon, I thought it might be time for a quiz about immigration for the whole family … or, you know, just your dad. Anyway, the answer is always C.
1. According to the Center for Migrant Studies, two-thirds of the recent unauthorized immigrant population entered the U.S. _____.
a.) by crossing the desert.
b.) through tunnels.
c.) on valid visas, then stayed in the country after that visa expired.
2. According to The Cato Institute and The University of Wisconsin, undocumented immigrants are _____ likely to commit violent crimes than American-born citizens.
c.) less (and you really need to reconsider how you look at the world)
3. Undocumented immigrants receive the highest amounts of government-sponsored welfare dollars.
b.) Mostly true
c.) False. They are ineligible for government welfare benefits, and legal immigrants only qualify for federal benefits once they’ve resided in the U.S. for five years, because there’s a whole system in place that monitors and distributes benefits. Did you think it was just a bag of money with a $ symbol sitting on a sidewalk somewhere?
4. Instead of overstaying their welcome or sneaking over the border, why don’t they just get in line?
a.) They hate lines.
b.) Do you really think there’s a line? Like, a real line?
c.) According to the American Immigration Council, “There is no line available for current unauthorized immigrants and the ‘regular channels’ are largely not available to prospective immigrants who end up entering the country through unauthorized channels. Even though most unauthorized immigrants have lived in the United States for nearly 15 years, many could live out the rest of their lives without any opportunity to become legal residents of their adopted home.”
5. Why are most undocumented immigrants Mexicans?
a.) It’s just super fun for them.
b.) The country of Mexico simply won’t be happy until one of its citizens gets your job, Fred.
c.) According to the Pew Research Center, most undocumented immigrants are not Mexican. In fact, Mexican migration into the United States has been at a net negative since 2015.
6. Illegal border-crossing has been a crime in the United States since _____.
7. The United States Border Patrol was established in _____.
8. In the 1920s, once the Border Patrol was established and the laws were put into effect, everything went _____.
b.) to Disney World
c.) horribly. According to Kelly Lytle Hernández, author of City of Inmates, “Entry fees were prohibitively high for many Mexican workers. Moreover, U.S. authorities subjected Mexican immigrants, in particular, to kerosene baths and humiliating delousing procedures because they believed Mexican immigrants carried disease and filth on their bodies.” So, of course, she continues, “Instead of travelling to a port of entry, many Mexicans informally crossed the border at will, as both U.S. and Mexican citizens had done for decades.”
9. The man responsible for Section 1325, the part of Title 8 that makes it a misdemeanor to enter the country without authorization, was a Senator named Coleman Livingston Blease, a _____.
a.) man of the highest integrity, who would sooner take a slap to the face than say a bad word about anyone
b.) real sweetheart, who enjoyed watching people laugh. He was known to go so far as to buy strangers flowers and purchase clothes for entire hospital wings full of newborns
c.) real racist motherfucker. According to the Washington Post, Blease “was an avowed white supremacist who opposed the education of Black Americans and favored lynching, which he justified by saying, ‘to hell with the Constitution.’”
10. Senator Blease once introduced a resolution into the Senate in which he forced the Senate clerk to read a poem called _____.“
a.) Love, Love for Everyone”
b.) “I Appreciate You, America, Burning Soul of the World”
c.) “Niggers in the White House,” after which a Connecticut senator suggested it be removed from the record. According to the June 18, 1929 edition of the Providence Evening Tribune, Blease agreed, saying, “I have accomplished what I wanted by having it read here. I want it understood that in withdrawing it from the record I am doing it because it gives offense to the Senator from Connecticut and not because it may give offense to the niggers.”
Samuel James is an internationally renowned bluesman and storyteller, as well as a locally known filmmaker. He can be reached at email@example.com.